Willie's Remaindered Beer Corner!


I happened to glance in the clearance box at Hannaford this afternoon, where they usually dump post-holiday merchandise and cereal boxes bearing long-expired movie/NASCAR tie-ins ("Emerson Fittipaldi says, '*batteries not included is the feel-good hit of 1987!'"), and saw that they were selling individual bottles of off-brand beer for 75 cents each. I impulsively bought the four that I thought looked most interesting and/or tasty so I could review them here. Yes, it would've been far more entertaining for me to buy, like, eight beers and write reviews that are increasingly drunk and unintelligible, but I only had four dollars on me and Bev is never thrilled to come home from work to find her husband blotto from an all-day bender. Furthermore, part of me thinks that the notion of a crappy, four-beer clearance taste test is hilarious in its useless jankiness, so here's Willie's Remaindered Beer Corner!

Entry one: Stone Mill organic pale ale. "A classic taste that is the perfect balance of maltiness and hop bouquet," according to the label. Brewed and bottled by Green Valley Brewing, Merrimack, New Hampshire.
Verdict: Yummy. Could stand to be a little more tart and less watery, but I tend to favor extremes in that regard, which many people don't. (The first pale ale I ever tried was at the Mathematical Reviews employee picnic and I couldn't stand the taste. Since, I've come to favor, savor, and sign waivers for that flavor, but I can vividly remember barely being able to choke down my initial bottle. So I understand why Stone Mill might not want to make it stronger.) At any rate, it goes down as easy as a Killian's.

Entry two: Peak Organic nut brown ale. The Jones Soda-inspired label features a picture of a wedding party with the caption, "'Our wedding by the cape. The ceremony wasn't complete without jazz hands on the beach.' -Sean K., Brooklyn, NY." Sorry, Sean, but those aren't jazz hands. The men appear to be performing some sort of Vaudevillian gesture, while the women are patiently clasping their bouquets and waiting for the men to finish. Peak Organic is brewed and bottled by Peak Organic Brewing Co. LLC in Portland, Maine.
Verdict: Ugh! Sweet! Whatever weird spices they're putting in this, they need to stop. I mean, I'll drink it, but I won't be happy about it.

Entry three: #9 Not-Quite-Pale Ale by Magic Hat Brewing Company, South Burlington, Vermont. Psychedelic graphics on the label are presumably a tip of the hat to the scene that erupted around Burlington's own Phish.
Verdict: The label hides its claim "brewed with the essence of apricot" near its (October 2007) expiration date. I wish I'd noticed that before I purchased it, because I hate apricots and nearly gagged on this. Still, I like Phish a lot and this is a far more palatable Phishy consumable than Ben & Jerry's cloying, marshmallow-based Phish Food.

ETRNY F4ur; I'm sad :(( that alla video store's are clos;ign becuse of NTFLIX?!It 's pathetic (or 'pqhtetique to quote Taikovsky) to see posterres for movies like Ocreans 13 and There May Be BLood and Anvil and the Chipmonks all bleached BY THE SUn and hanging n the windows and all the brwn colors aer purple and oranges too!

Just kidding.

Entry four: Winter's Bourbon Cask Ale, "ale aged on bourbon barrel oak and vanilla beans," by Anheuser-Busch, St. Louis, Misery. There's a snowman holding a pint glass on the label. Makes me not feel so bad about purchasing a tub of margarine that said, "Great for holiday recipes!" on its lid in the middle of April.
Verdict: You can really taste those vanilla beans, alright. Tastes kind of like melted French vanilla ice cream stirred into a bowl with a bottle of Bud (i.e., like any given Sandra Lee recipe). Evokes gas station refreshments, for some reason. Maybe less healthy. I wish I drank this first, because it's tough to get down as a finale.

CURRENT MUSIC: Hotel Morgen by To Rococo Rot.
CURRENT MOOD: Homesick for Michigan.
CURRENT FAVORITE WORD I'VE LEARNED IN MEDICAL TRANSCRIPTION CLASS: Bilirubin.